


All the Strings Attatched

by uswnt_talex_krashlyn



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 17:52:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7855093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uswnt_talex_krashlyn/pseuds/uswnt_talex_krashlyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christen is what Alex could never be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Strings Attatched

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honestly really sorry ab this. I needed to get this out and it just feels really irrelevant to post but here u go.

Gone is such a relative term. 

But even the most vague words held meaning beyond your comprehension. 

she's gone

How could two words destroy you so much. But what does it really mean for her to be gone?

She's not missing per se. She didn't die. She's not even necessarily alone. 

No. She couldn't be just gone. Because gone really only definitively described one thing. 

Not here. 

Not with you. 

She was yours. She wouldn't leave. 

 

Looking back it was blatant and clear. Nothing was shaded or half hidden. We are taught growing up to love who we are. To be happy just with being you. That no one should ever be able to change that. 

But what they didn't teach you is that love will change who you are. It will change the love you have for yourself to the love that you have for her. And that once you give all of it, your love, your devotion and dedication, to someone else, you will slowly learn to love who you are with them. 

 

Alex left you on a Thursday morning. And no it wasn't raining. And no you hadn't fought dramatically to the crack of thunder the night before. She was just gone. 

Blatant and relatively speaking, gone. 

You woke up to the sound of your alarm clock. You stretched your leg slightly to the left. Only to find cold sheets. 

And of course it's not the first time. But you know it's the last. 

The last time she'll leave. Because there won't be any coming back. 

Your eyes had shot open in this all too familiar panic. Your eyes dart to that one drawer where she kept her cloths. Then to the nightstand where she kept that picture of her mom and dad. And she's simply gone. 

But it's not like last time when she was gone. Your breathing doesn't increase and your eyes don't start to water. She just simply left. She was just simply gone. 

 

It took you a long time to understand it all. It was less about why she chose him and more importantly why she didn't chose you. 

Looking back you were naive. Easily lost in her blue eyes. You loved her. It was really fucking hard not to. You loved her so much that even when she left, even when she didn't choose you, you still chose her. 

You chose her early in the morning when her voice was laced with sleep and her hair spread out over your pillows. And you would choose her again when she would knock on your door, late at night. You just chose her. And you did it over and over again until she wouldn't have you anymore.

That was your love. You were hers until she wouldn't have you. 

But now you know a different kind of love. The kind where someone else is willing to give themselves to you until you won't have them. Christen. She was your air.

And God was she patient. You wish you could've been better when you met her. 

Back then you spent most nights with Lauren or Kelley. Because you didn't like who you were. Not without her. 

But Christen would sit with you at lunch and dinner. And Christen wasn't afraid to hug you after a win or loss. And Christen became your air. And it scared the shit out of you. 

Christen always knew about Alex. You didn't have to tell her much. It was obvious. How you would flinch whenever she called your name. Or how the hair on your arms would raise whenever she walked in the room. 

But Christen made it easier. Until you were ready. Ready to be christen's until she wouldn't have you. 

And God was it beautiful. 

Her kisses were always sweet and often short. The kind resulting in the mind set that you would do the same thing everyday for the rest of your life. Her touches never hidden. 

She would kiss your cheek at dinner and stare into your eyes at night. Likely just because she could.  
Because you belonged to each other. 

 

Sometimes she would hold on a little longer. Stare a little stronger. Only for you. Only when you really needed it. 

And sometimes Alex would stare. And sometimes Christen would stare straight back. 

And after that Christen would smile at you gently and squeeze your hand under the table. Or she would press a gentle peck on your cheek. 

And slowly you begin to forget what it's like for someone just to be gone. 

You forget what it's like to have someone take every piece of you and return nothing. 

You simply forget. Just like she was simply gone.


End file.
